Transitions

Tomorrow I will go through yet another transition. We have to drive to Salina and report at 1800 (transitioning into military time), then will move into the barracks (transitioning into military living quarters), will have a formation (transitioning to the military way of life), wake up at 0400 (transitioning into the military time schedule), and eat chow (transitioning into the wonderful military food).

So, I have been here for 4 days now. It is awful. I will have to go into more detail later. We all got about 3 hours of sleep last night and I took a shower tonight for the first time in a couple days...no time to sleep...no time to shower. After feeling like I'm in the army of communist Russia, I'm going to bed 'early' We have formation at 0530....

sigh.

Family cont..

We had a family reunion of sorts this weekend for the Keehner family. I participated by eating delicious food two nights in a row and doing the normal chatting about how the year has gone by. And then...it was done. Goodbye's were easy, the feeling was strange. I don't really know these people. I didn't grow up knowing them, and we don't keep in contact except for seeing each other once a year. Essentially most of these people are strangers to me. This makes for an awkward experience, which in comparing it to my last week's experience left me feeling lonely. It's not that these blood relatives don't care about me, because they love me very much so. There is just no communication or effort put forth into keeping in touch or learning about each other and so I was left with this feeling...I just wanted to be with my family...
Again, emphasising the point that family is what you make it.


There are a select few people who I can see myself in, people I look up to and strive to be like. Anita, Nancy and Bev are such sweet women. Anita is most like me, hard worker, loving and she sincerely cares about people--but gets the jobs done that need to be done. The family is dying. With my mother's generation our wonderful lineage will be gone. My mother's siblings decided to move all over the country, leaving no central 'home' to come back to. The importance of FAMILY was not drilled into my generation. I have cousins who I know little to nothing about.

Just bits and pieces of information here and there. No relationship to speak of, and this makes me sad. When my mother's generation dies, I hardly believe that we will keep in touch--we haven't up until this point. And so, with no brothers or sisters. No concrete relationships with my cousins. No extended family and no father. I will be a lone Keehner, until I get married and the strong family name that I was given will die.

I think about these thoughts about once a year, and then they leave me. There is no way that I can change us, bringing me to be doubly, triply, quadruply thankful for the other family that I was blessed with. (see previous post)

One week. One week left at my mother's house. Packing is in full force and feelings of stress, anxiety and anticipation flood my brain all hours of the day and night making it harder and harder to sleep. Do I have everything I need? Is it packed correctly? What kinds of personal items will I need to pack? Do I have all of my affairs in order? Oh, and I need to print off those forms to turn into the commander. Okay, so I'll need to leave Friday morning in order to get to Kansas City in time to get my other gear out of my locker and go to the bank. Hmm...do I want to stay the night in Kansas City and say goodbye to people? Or should I go to Lawrence to see some people there....Oh, and I forgot about my laundry. Shoot, I need to switch it.....

deep breath.

The stress will dissipate. It has to. Or my ability to cope has to increase dramatically!! Things will work out. Or they won't. Either way I will survive and will come out on the other end. Until then, I will continue to vent on here.

Have a wonderful 9/11.
Remember the fallen hero's.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
Arlington Cemetery
Visit to see Allison
May 2010

Family

I was going to write this down yesterday, but it had gotten too late--I didn't want to start getting all emotional.

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up early after a good party at Vincent's parent's house. Vincent was one of my best friends in high school. He entered the active duty air force in March and this was his first time home since then. Another friend of ours, Chris, was home on a 4 day pass before he heads off to Afghanistan and I am, of course, getting ready to leave for Iraq. It was a good night of reminiscing, military talk, and fun.

I awoke at 0700 unable to fall back asleep, so I drove to my mom's house to get my backpack and eat something for breakfast and headed to my 'happy place' in Forsyth. When I got here, everyone was still asleep--I mean, duh it's a Saturday! I got my brother to answer the phone and let me in, and I went and crawled into bed with my sister. We talked for a little while, she was still pretty groggy, and went upstairs to cuddle with our mom mom. We all took showers and headed over to Grandma Sharron's & Grandpa Herb's to set up for my going away party. We got there and even on the drive over, I was thinking about my life. The different coincidences in life that led me to where I am today amaze me.

I am incredibly blessed to be accepted and welcomed into a family that is not my own. In the car on the way over, we were talking about random things--but the way we were all talking, felt normal. Nothing was forced, I felt like I belonged. I always do, but yesterday--for some reason--was special. I'm probably being way too sentimental, but who cares. We got there and started working together to set up the house. 4th of July decorations littered the front entryway, deck, and main part of the house. Ribs were boiling in Budweiser and college football was on tv. We took down spiderwebs, swept, and set out chairs, tables, and tableware. All work, but it didn't even seem like it. The thought that all of this was getting set up for me. Just me. A whole family gathered together to bid me adieu on my way to war. The fact that they care, that they want to do this for me--brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart.

Time and time again, I am shown that a family is not how much blood you share, but how much love you share. I have been apart of this family for 12 years now, which totally amazes me. I realize that it is a strange relationship, but it isn't weird for us.

I'll leave you with a few quotes:

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
--unknown

Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.
-- Brad Henry

Family is just accident.... They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are.
-- Marsha Norman

I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that there's always somebody there, somebody that's family.
-- Trey Parker

The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.
-- Ring Lardner