Family cont..

We had a family reunion of sorts this weekend for the Keehner family. I participated by eating delicious food two nights in a row and doing the normal chatting about how the year has gone by. And then...it was done. Goodbye's were easy, the feeling was strange. I don't really know these people. I didn't grow up knowing them, and we don't keep in contact except for seeing each other once a year. Essentially most of these people are strangers to me. This makes for an awkward experience, which in comparing it to my last week's experience left me feeling lonely. It's not that these blood relatives don't care about me, because they love me very much so. There is just no communication or effort put forth into keeping in touch or learning about each other and so I was left with this feeling...I just wanted to be with my family...
Again, emphasising the point that family is what you make it.


There are a select few people who I can see myself in, people I look up to and strive to be like. Anita, Nancy and Bev are such sweet women. Anita is most like me, hard worker, loving and she sincerely cares about people--but gets the jobs done that need to be done. The family is dying. With my mother's generation our wonderful lineage will be gone. My mother's siblings decided to move all over the country, leaving no central 'home' to come back to. The importance of FAMILY was not drilled into my generation. I have cousins who I know little to nothing about.

Just bits and pieces of information here and there. No relationship to speak of, and this makes me sad. When my mother's generation dies, I hardly believe that we will keep in touch--we haven't up until this point. And so, with no brothers or sisters. No concrete relationships with my cousins. No extended family and no father. I will be a lone Keehner, until I get married and the strong family name that I was given will die.

I think about these thoughts about once a year, and then they leave me. There is no way that I can change us, bringing me to be doubly, triply, quadruply thankful for the other family that I was blessed with. (see previous post)

One week. One week left at my mother's house. Packing is in full force and feelings of stress, anxiety and anticipation flood my brain all hours of the day and night making it harder and harder to sleep. Do I have everything I need? Is it packed correctly? What kinds of personal items will I need to pack? Do I have all of my affairs in order? Oh, and I need to print off those forms to turn into the commander. Okay, so I'll need to leave Friday morning in order to get to Kansas City in time to get my other gear out of my locker and go to the bank. Hmm...do I want to stay the night in Kansas City and say goodbye to people? Or should I go to Lawrence to see some people there....Oh, and I forgot about my laundry. Shoot, I need to switch it.....

deep breath.

The stress will dissipate. It has to. Or my ability to cope has to increase dramatically!! Things will work out. Or they won't. Either way I will survive and will come out on the other end. Until then, I will continue to vent on here.

Have a wonderful 9/11.
Remember the fallen hero's.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
Arlington Cemetery
Visit to see Allison
May 2010