Well in just about an hour and a half, the clock will strike 0001 (military time) and it will be Christmas Day! I can't begin to explain the excitement! I almost feel as if I am a little kid again, which is how I have been feeling a lot--in a good way. I have traveled back in time, living at home, going to the high school everyday (where I am long term substituting), and doing chores.
All week long we have been going to this relatives house or that relatives house for Christmas dinners and celebrations, but tomorrow is the time we have all been waiting for...SANTA'S COMING! I know him!!!
It has been different, since this is the first time I have had a family around to celebrate with. It is exactly what I had imagined in my head; love and joy and cheer and running around with cousins and being merry. I have been over and abundantly blessed this year. Even if I ended up waking up on the 23rd at around 0500 crying in pain. Every time I swallowed, it was like someone was stabbing me in my throat. I tried to go back to sleep, but that just wasn't an option. One of my first thoughts was, 'I don't want to miss Christmas!' My mom-mom, Diane, drove me to Walmart so I could invest in some numbing spray and then drove through Steak n' Shake for a little milkshake. Ice cream makes everything better! With the numbing spray and some Tylenol, I was able to sleep a few more hours. When I woke up, I was still in pain--so I called my doctor who told me I could come in if I could get there in 20 minutes. Yikes! I didn't care, I halfway wiped the acne medication off my face, pulled on some sweatpants and ran out the door. I drove a little bit fast on the way there and made it just in time. Turns out, I had strep throat. Gross. I got my prescription for penicillin and was on my way. I drove home, and Diane went to fill my prescription for me and got me a shake to numb my throat a little bit. (I loved all the ice cream that comes with strep!) I basically became one with my bed for the next day, and found out that strep is a great weight loss program! It comes with loss of appetite and nausea! Oh, and a great heating system in the form of a fierce fever. I have had the penicillin in my system for about 36 hours now and am feeling 90% better. I am still a little nauseous, but I downed a Jimmy Johns sandwich earlier, and it was fantastic! Even with this little hiccup, I am totally blessed this Christmas season.
I just recently found out that one of my best friends is going to have her clinical about an hour and a half away from my house. We have been apart since we became friends, but since the invention of facebook and texting in addition to random weekend visits (or even just a 24 hour section of time) here and there--we have stayed and grown as friends. So, I could hardly contain my excitement when she texted me to tell me that she will live so close for 6 weeks this spring!
Oh, and I am madly in puppy love with my boyfriend who gets on a plane to fly from Kuwait to the United States in the next couple of days. We have now been apart for almost half of our relationship--but with a few bumps, we're still doing pretty good. I am grateful for this man who has taught me that it's okay to love again after three years of a sort of a drought. He is amazing and I love him very much. We are going to do our own Christmas when he gets home and settled.
I have also been blessed by a very special little boy who has been working really hard to do better in school. I have been volunteering a little bit at an after school program called G.U.M. Park, which is where I met him. He has really touched my heart, and he has big dreams to play football. Today, I got a Christmas card in the mail from him thanking me for helping him. It was so sweet!
My sister, Taylor, and some of her friends at school have totally blown me away. They organized an item drive at their high school and collected over 1500 items to ship overseas to some Soldiers in Afghanistan. They mailed 32 boxes of goodies and selflessly gave of their time and efforts for these 200 young men fighting for our freedom. I couldn't have been more proud of her, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
I could go on, and on about the recent blessings in my life--but I would just write until my fingers were blistered and calloused--and I don't know if I mentioned, but I have some presents to open in the morning.
God bless you all and have a *Merry Christmas*
Saturday, December 24, 2011
A Very Merry Christmas
Friday, November 18, 2011
To baby girl:
Deep breath.
I'm sitting here shaking as I write this. The letter I never want to write. Tears are streaming down my face. I wonder how many cups I could fill with the tears I've cried for you. I'm a writer. I write, it is simply what I do--but for some reason I have never been able to write this letter to you.
Simple things will trigger a reaction. Tonight, a crappy movie. Other times, news of a friend's pregnancy. A picture of you, or simply just a thought about how things could be. Did I do the right thing for you? How would our lives be, if we were together. I can imagine it. I might have finished school--but most likely I wouldn't have. I would have moved home, for the support, and gotten a job. You would have been raised in daycare--which isn't bad, it just isn't what I dreamed for you. I dreamed of a loving home, with two parents--so you can know what it's like to have the love of a father--something I never knew. I wanted you to be Daddy's Little Girl, a princess!
Baby girl, I have so much love for you. I know you are happy when I talk to you. Your beautiful little smile melts my heart. When you tell me you love me, it chokes me up--but I always swallow it down and reply with a cheery 'Awe! I love you too!'
I don't know how things are going to turn out. I hope you are happy. I hope you know or will know just how much I love you. Please know that I am not miserable. I met a guy, and I love him. I don't know what is going to happen between us--but he has made me realize that it's okay to move on after three years and love again. So for that, I thank him.
I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you. I'm happy. I pray to God that I made the right decision--but as my grandmother always says, 'there's no use crying over spilt milk.' She is so right. The decision has been made. Whether you're angry or not is your choice, but please know that it was not an easy decision for me to make. I didn't want to do it, but I wanted you to have a better life. Better than what I could give you at the time. I was doing what I thought was best for you at the time.
So, yes, I grieve for the life we could have had together. But I also look forward to the future, to see what else is in my master plan--and yours! I love you with all my heart. Never forget that, baby girl. Never forget.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Starting over.
As I sit and listen to the rain, the constant rain outside on the windows--I realize how much I love my life and how proud I am of myself. I realize how narcissistic that sounds, but sometimes I feel you have to embrace your own accomplishments. I'm not going to sit and write down for you all that I have accomplished, if you know me--you know!
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Evolution of a Runner
As the old adage goes, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." It takes a fairly precocious child to be able to process this at a very young age. However, Spc. Zebedee M. Johnson qualifies as one of those rare individuals.
Paralyzed at the budding age of eight, Johnson was immobile for nearly a year of his childhood. After losing the ability to have a "normal" childhood, Johnson developed a new appreciation for a capacity he had previously taken for granted. His new found gratitude for walking soon evolved into an infatuation with running. " At the age of 13, I had a parent who saw me run. They contacted my parents about running track (Amateur Athletic Union), which is a program for the youth," recalled Johnson. After receiving the approval of his parents, Johnson began to run competitively and never looked back.
Throughout middle school and high school, Johnson continued to run for the track and field teams in high school and with AAU. It wasn't until his senior year of high school, once Johnson won the North Carolina State High School 400-meter race that he began to see running as a means to fund his college education.
After visiting numerous schools all over North Carolina, Johnson was convinced Western Carolina University was the school for him. Persuaded by the chance to better himself, Johnson was certain. "The coach sold me on an education and a chance to improve, heavily, in track and field," said Johnson. Not only was it a turning point for Johnson's life, it was also an important mark in the school's history. It was the first time that the school offered a full scholarship to a freshman.
From August 2004 through July 2008, Johnson ran with the WCU Catamounts, all while earning a bachelor's degree in Business. Along the way, Johnson set the bar high and proved to the athletic program they did not make a mistake in bringing him on board. Johnson claimed the 200-meter Indoor Record and was also a member of the record-setting 4x100-meter Relay Team, for his school. Johnson also left a lasting impression with former college coach, Danny Williamson. On a phone interview Williamson spoke of Johnson fondly, "Zeb was a very outstanding young man in our program. First-class individual. Highly competitive individual. And I wish we had about 500 more like him."
Shortly after completing his Initial Basic Training, Johnson was knee-deep in deployment preparations with his first and current duty assignment, the 377th Transportation Company out of Fort Bliss, Texas. Before long, Johnson and his unit deployed to Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, and he was, yet again largely involved in his mission at hand. Towards the end of the deployment, Johnson was presented with more free time, and he was able to take on additional activities outside of work. Running was becoming a part of his life again. His unit began to see the zeal Johnson had for running as well as his unique talent, and pushed him to pursue his love of running.
The 718th Transportation Battalion Iron Chariot Athletic Challenge was just the jump-start Johnson needed to "get back in the game." Even though Johnson participated in numerous events during the challenge, his shining moment came when he won the 100-meter dash, fueling his fervor to take his running to the next level. Nearing the end of his deployment, Johnson began looking forward to his homecoming to set goals for his running. The 377th was there cheering him every step of the way. Johnson said, "They have encouraged me to go out for the trials in 2012, the United States (Olympic) Trials." Even though excitement and nervousness are still present, lofty goals are nothing new to this determined Soldier and he just wants one last shot. Johnson claimed. "I just want any sign that I might still have a little bit left in the tank...any sign..."
Johnson showed he did indeed have a little bit left. He finished the preliminary race with a time of 10.99 seconds in the 100-meter dash. In the finals of the 100-meter dash, Johnson took off on the start and fell. After quickly recovering and taking off down the lane, he had a lot of ground to cover. He dug deep down inside himself and came out victorious with a time of 10.81 seconds. His company was ecstatic about the win and proud of their Soldier.
The week after the race, different members of the 377th Transportation Company motivated Johnson day in and day out. The replacement unit had arrived and company missions were down to zero, leaving plenty of time for training. Johnson got up around 3 a.m. to run, lift weights, and train with different members of his company. In the afternoon, he trained again. He left Camp Arifjan a few weeks after the race, with enough motivation to accomplish his goals. He continues to train and has made some plans for the upcoming season. "As of right now, I have a couple of indoor track meets set up for January," said Johnson. "We have a home track meet in March that I'm trying to enter in, in front of my home crowd back in Charlotte...I will always find competition. I might have to drive to go get it, but I'm willing to prepare."
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough.
Well by now, you should all know that I'm big on quotes. So, expect at least a couple more in this post. Again, it has been awhile since my last post. I have to make sure that I really feel something before I put it into black and white. I have been thinking about this for a couple days now.
You never know the imprint that you are going to have on another person, whether you meet them in passing at a bus stop, or they make your delicious sandwich that you have for lunch while passing casual conversation. I am gaining valuable lessons from the Army, more than I willingly signed up for. One being goodbyes.
My mother will tell you how much I love goodbyes (can you detect the sarcasm?). I have never been good at them. They always feel so depressing. Maybe this is because death is a kind of goodbye that is the most painful. Final. But I'm not unreasonable. I know that not every goodbye ends in death. Hardly any do, as a matter of fact. So, why the painful resistance to them? I'm not sure I will ever know.
Some think, "Every goodbye makes the next hello closer." Not always true, but it sounds nice. What it should go into more detail with is that with every goodbye, you have to also move on, in order to be more open to the next hello. This is true on a deployment. People are constantly coming and going. Back to the states for R&R leave, leaving home again to come back to the sandbox. Meeting people here and developing friendships and maybe even relationships--the inevitable goodbye that will leave anyone's heart aching for the loss of that friendship. I would run out of fingers if I tried to count on them how many wonderful, inspiring people I have met and had to say goodbye to so far. I've even shed some tears for a few. On a deployment, no matter how difficult your job may be, you develop connections. It is necessary for survival. At the end of the day you can't go home to your husband, or wife, or mother, or roommate and digest the happenings. You go back to the room that you share with the people you work with. You spend the entirety of your day with the exact same people. Any normal person would see how this can cause someone to go insane. However, the human species is incredible. If the assigned group doesn't suit the person, that same person will find a group to belong to: Hispanics and salsa night, poetry night group, church goers, country dancers, hip hop dancers, or the Wednesday night bingo players. No matter what it is, they will find a place where they feel they can belong. And these are the people who it will be the hardest to say goodbye to.
The 377th Transportation Company out of Fort Bliss, Texas has 'taken me in' so to speak. In the words of their 1SG, I have become an 'honorary member.' I have the patch to prove it. The unit, as a whole, is an amazing group of people. They are competitive and have a sense of cohesiveness that rivals any other company in our Battalion, and I would argue, the entire post. They are good at sports, yes. But it is more that that. Even those in the company who aren't good at sports show up to the different events with a sense of pride in the other Soldiers in their company who are winning every race, event, or game. It gives you the sense of family togetherness that I crave. I have seen this before, everyone has. It is the ideal. The 'band of brothers' so to speak that is every Army unit, right? No. Unfortunately this is not the norm. So, it is exceptionally nice to see it, and be taken in by it. They leave soon, they are just counting down the days now and I will miss them so much. I know that never again will it be the same with any of them. They are going on to continue their lives, and I am eventually going to finish out my own tour and head home -- where I will do the exact same thing. Maybe I will see some of them again, most likely I won't. But they have made an impact on my life that I will never forget.
"How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to."
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Kansas Adjutant General Visits Fellow Kansas Guardsmen
*This is an article I wrote that got published on 28 June 11** See link:
http://www.army.mil/article/55986/
CAMP ARIFJAN, Kuwait - Brig. Gen. Lee Tafanelli, the adjutant general of the Kansas National Guard, came to visit his Soldiers from the 778th Transportation Company on May 3, 2011. The National Guard Bureau gave Tafanelli the opportunity as part of the Joint Monthly Reserve Access for Reserve Components Program for various adjutant generals to visit troops from their state. Brig. Tafanelli chose the Soldiers in Kuwait, since they were the largest unit currently deployed with almost 300 troops. The purpose of the visit was to ensure the deployment was progressing well and each of the Kansas Soldiers knew how much the state supported them while engaged in their mission.
Tafanelli met and had lunch with 15 Kansas Guardsmen of the 778th, headquartered in Kansas City, Kan. When asked how it went, Tafanelli wished there was more time to see the Kansas Guardsmen and have one-on-one time to get to know the Soldiers individually. The 778th assured Tafanelli the company was doing well, as evidenced by their high morale.
Tafanelli was sworn-in as adjutant general on Jan. 28, 2011. He sees this progression in his career as a tremendous challenge, as well as a great honor to serve the great citizens of Kansas and America alike. Tafanelli commented on how many changes he has witnessed over his past 30 years to the Armed Forces, making the Army what it is today. However, he is aware that 50 percent of the current servicemembers in the Kansas National Guard are new to the service since the attacks on September 11, 2001.
Tafanelli went on to say that this is going to create two distinct challenges as the drawdown continues and the Army transforms into a more institutional organization. "We are going to have to teach Soldiers how to be a part of an institutional Army," said Tafanelli. Many of these post-9/11 Soldiers are not aware of how such a concept even works. The other issue he mentioned was the lack of civilian jobs for Soldiers returning with multiple deployments. "All of these Soldiers have been on a current rotation of either preparing for deployment, on deployment or resetting from deployment," commented Tafanelli. He foresees, along with the budget challenges, an increase in unemployment for returning troops. He and the Kansas National Guard are ready to do anything within their power to help.
Change was something Tafanelli mentioned extensively. He commented, "the Army is constantly changing and the basic Soldier skill-set will also have to change as we get back to an institutional Army. What skill-set does the future Soldier need in order to be an effective leader' Do they need to be multi-lingual' What kind of leader attributes do (Noncommissioned Officers) need to have'" Tafanelli posed these rhetorical questions in an effort to prepare for the future of the state of Kansas veterans.
Tafanelli was encouraged by and grateful for the opportunity to see first-hand the living and working conditions of the Kansas Soldiers, and for the opportunity to connect with the troops. Tafanelli felt he assisted the troops by "...giving (the Soldiers) an outlet ... to express concerns as well as becoming better prepared for the Kansans redeployment to the states."
Tafanelli had one final task during his visit to his fellow guardsmen. He delivered a message on behalf Kansas Governor, Sam Brownback, who he met with just before his departure to Kuwait, which said, "Make sure all Kansans know how proud I am of them."
What is the definition of Freedom?
Our good friend Webster says freedom is defined as: the quality or state of being free. But what does this even mean? As I sat in my house while my mom waited out in the car I finally realized what freedom means. Not just for me at the age of 24, but for every American citizen all over the World.
Freedom is being given the opportunity to finish school to the highest level, if you so desire. Freedom is being able to have a job, and go home to your families at the end of the day. Freedom is being able to choose the location of where you go home to; be it an apartment, house, dorm, or a room in your family's house. Within that liberty is the freedom to go to the grocery store and cook whatever you want for dinner/supper/lunch/breakfast/or just eat whenever you get hungry. Also the freedom to not have to wear shower shoes. Its the freedom to get into your car and drive wherever you want to go. Its the freedom to wear whatever you want whenever you want to, to sleep in on the weekends, and to have more than one day out of the week where you don't have to report anywhere. Its the feeling that you can soar to the summit of the mountain without knowing that hundreds of other people are going to try to hold you down...instead you have families and friends who cheer you on as you attain your goals. You are not a prisoner. You are free!
I had forgotten. I had thought that freedom was something that didn't apply to me anymore. But now, as I sit on my bunk bed at 0500 in the morning after being back at my camp for 24 hours I realize. No, I know. I am completely aware. This is not permanent.
I have approximately 90 days until I leave here. But not just that. I will be leaving here to go home. To go to where I had forgotten I could go. Being at school for the past 5 years made me forget that I am not alone in the world. I have a family who loves me! And, I really just cannot wait to get back to them.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Jobs, Java, Jello and Jewlery. Things that begin with the letter 'J'
Jobs-
I have a new job. I have gone through a lot of change in the past few weeks....resulting in the lack of posting. I am going to start a new routine, now that I have more stable employment. First of all, let me share with you a secret. Ssshhhh......*don't tell anyone~* (its who you know, not what you do) I used to be in a truck platoon. I loved it. It was fun, I learned things about mechanics of the truck. How such a large piece of machinery operates. I learned about oil levels and transmission fluid, along with changing tires and a proper PMCS (preventative maintenance checks and services) for both the truck and trailer of an M1070. I learned how to get along with many different types of people and my patience increased. However, I rapidly became bored. Once you master you piece of equipment, what else is there? And, I am type of person who wants to make things better, and knows that no matter what there are many more ways to skin a cat.
This got me into trouble and my intelligence got me demoted. Oops. I'm over it. I know that it shouldn't have happened and my opinion was confirmed when my company first sergeant called me into his office and apologized for the situation by telling me that 'he messed up.' I told him that the NCOs (non commissioned officers) in my platoon are corrupted and I do not wish to be apart of their shenanigans any longer. I told him, I don't care where I go, I am miserable where I am. So....I got moved to 'assistant training NCO' and they gave me the additional duty of 'mail clerk' since the NCO in charge of that duty was going home for 2 weeks for R&R (Rest and Recuperation) leave. When I went into the mail room, it was disgusting. It hadn't been cleaned and I found mail from November and December that hadn't been forwarded. I simply reported my findings to my senior NCO and I ended up with the job permanently. I wasn't too happy about it, but what could I do. I wasn't completely miserable. So, I took it and transformed the mail room into a clean, organized place of business. I received many compliments on the changes--even from the commander and first sergeant.
Then one day First Sergeant asked the company, in formation, who has a journalism degree. I do not, and so I hung my head. My platoon sergeant took that to mean that I did and was trying to hide it...so he ordered me to go talk to the First Sergeant. Hmmm...
I ended up that afternoon with an interview with Command Sergeant Major Clark. The Battalion Sergeant Major. I told him that I did NOT have a journalism degree and that my experience with such was limited to the fact that my ex boyfriend was a journalism/communications major and my best friend is a photographer. Apparently, that was sufficient for him. I ended up that Friday (one week ago. April 8th) with a new job as Battalion PAO (Public Affairs Officer) along with additional taskings as Effects and Events Coordinator. I was told by Sergeant Major that my mission was to 'increase the morale within the Battalion' (of 1,100 people I might add...)
Needless to say, I have been crazy busy. In the past week, I have been so engaged, that I feel like I am in college again. I have projects, and due dates. I am rubbing shoulders with Sergeant Majors and Army Boaties, Warrant Officers and SmArT* people.....I am so happy, I could scream! I have been to the Kuwaiti Naval Base, and had a tour of an Army watercraft. I have plans to go on a mission with them and take pictures and write articles of my time with them. I have been collecting photos and articles from our companies and editing them to turn into the Brigade. I am in love.
My life is fabulous. I am busy. I have planned a 3-on-3 basketball tournament in a week and a half and it takes place this Sunday :) I am excited!
Java- ...with my new job, I am getting significantly lower amounts of sleep than usual. See photo to see how I passed out in my bed. The below photo was taken at 7pm by my new roommate, in a different barracks across the camp. Yes, that is correct. I moved barracks. The night I got hired. By myself. In the dark. Now, that was a lot of work! But, I did it! ..(and a few nights later, a friend helped me move the remains) The story with the picture is that I had been working 12-14 hour days trying to get everything for this tournament ready on top of learning a TON of new information about my new job. I had gotten back to the PCB (pre-cast billet) to check facebook and emails before I was going to take some food up to Brandi since she was stuck in the motor pool....and ta-da! I just passed out. As you can see. It was the most bizarre thing that has happened to me so far. I think I'm going to increase my caffeine intake from zero to SomEthIng...
Jello- I am trying to lose weight. According to Army standards I am 7-9 lbs overweight. On top of the fact that I wouldn't mind losing a little weight :) Jell-0 is a good alternative to ice cream or cookies they give away at the chow hall. On top of trying to eat healthier...Brandi and I have been doing all the post sponsored runs, our big
gest achievement was the 10 mile 'Cherry Blossom' run. We had a sleepover.... and went to bed around 0030..yikes! We had to get up at 0330 to make it for the sign in at 430. We are 6 hours ahead of Washington D.C. time where the real 'Cherry Blossom 10-mile run' was to take place at 0700. They were taking photos of us running and sending them to DC to show during the run there. It was a pretty cool thing. Our run was sponsored by the run in DC and we got Tshirts and coins. Brandi and I ran the entire 10 miles and we did it in 2 hours and 3 minutes!! I was so proud of us, I still can't believe I ran that far. But now, when I am on the treadmill running and thinking to myself how tired I am..and how much I want to quit--I can't, because I know I have ran farther! It is nice to have a workout partner who is similar. Brandi and I are only a few years apart and we were both athletes our whole lives. So, we have the same type of disci
pline when it comes to exercise. We are together so often the people have started calling us the 'doublemint twins' So, we had our black gym bags embroidered :) I am lucky to have a friend like her!! Finally a female who I get along with, who doesn't try to hook up with all the men here and who can carry on an educated conversation. She just finished her Masters right before we deployed.
Jewlery- I splurged on some real silver stud earrings, the jewels in them are fake, but the silver is real. The man in the shop was listening to the Koran, it was a Sunday morning and my friend Brandi and I were headed to the pool. But first we had to bedazzle our ears** We bought pink ones, blue ones, green ones, red ones, purple ones! Color is something civilians take for granted and something we try to incorporate every chance we can get. Brandi has tied a pink ribbon on her black bookbag. I cover everything in either hot pink or zebra print tape. Or both!! We were curious about what the Koran was saying that morning and asked the salesman. He told us that it was saying everyone needs to love God. Pretty good message for a Sunday morning. And we headed to the closed pool deck to spend a lazy afternoon sun bathing.
Friday, April 8, 2011
My first mission to Iraq.
I sat in the first platoon area of the dusty, sandy, 778 motor pool. It was warm out and the sun felt good beating down on my face. My mind was distracted as I thought about my first trip north into Iraq. I was headed into the unknown on my first mission. Destination: VBC to pick up some rolling stock as well as some conexes and bring them back south into Kuwait. I was scared, yes, but I was more excited than anything. The thrill of danger and of not knowing if we were going to come back to camp safe or damaged was invigorating.
I was the driver for the convoy commander. We were on our right seat ride mission, so we had soldiers riding along with us from the 494th Transportation Company out of Fort Campbell, Kentucky. My HET would be hauling both convoy commanders as well as the 494th company First Sergeant. We headed out right after Christmas. Some of us had gotten colorful boxes from our families and friends full of goodies that we packed up for our long haul north. With our trucks full of snack food and energy drinks, we headed off to Camp Buehring for the night. Once we left Camp Buehring, our journey had officially begun. We were heading into the unknown of Iraq.
We had received our S2 briefing and had heard all about the recent IED attacks, sniper fire, and small arms fire scattered around and were officially ready. We donned our IOTV, ACH, and made sure a magazine was within arms reach. I wasn’t nervous until we reached K-Crossing and one of the men said a prayer. Once a prayer was said, I realized the possibility of not returning home from this trip. I started thinking about our ‘enemy.’ To me, this enemy was invisible.
The enemy stayed invisible for the duration of our convoy. We had no incidences. The only Iraqi’s I saw sat in shacks along the roadside for selling food and other items, as well as a few children outside the gates of Adder who were begging for food. We drove for hours upon hours. We drove at night, according to standard operating procedures, to reduce the risk of attack. As we drove, we talked to each other about our families and where our lives were going to go when we left this deployment. We listened to music as we guzzled multiple energy drinks and ate honey buns. We did anything to stay awake.
And finally, we were back in Buehring again. A collective sigh of relief was breathed in each truck as we realized that we were on the final stretch back to our little AO’s (Area of Operation). Maybe now we could get some much-needed rest. We rolled into Camp Arifjan as a new year rolled across the pages of the calendar, and my first mission into Iraq had been completed.
In all of this, I never once thought about the fact that I was an intricate part of a country at war. To this day, I am amazed at how routine missions can become. Soldiers look forward to leaving the wire for a little break from our garrison lives here at Camp Arifjan without, it seems, a thought about the threat of harm. We have come to desire the excitement and thrill of possible danger, until it happens. It is true, each and every one of us are apart of this thing called war. We fight from desks, motor pools, maintenance tents and convoys, but we are all fighting for freedom and for what is right. We must never forget what we are here for.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Fueling up
This will be a short one, because I need to go take a shower. Many people in the states do not realize that the United States Army hires contractors to do their dirty work. Nowadays we are in convoys with TCNs. (Third Country Nationals) These people leave their wives and children to come to Kuwait to help their families. The TCNs clean the latrines, work in the chow hall, empty the porta johns, pick up trash and drive the buses. I have had the opportunity to interact more personally with some of them.
About 3 weeks ago, I had to refuel the HET I was driving. My friend was with me and she had to get out. She asked me if I dared her to start talking to him. So, I said--'yeah, I bet you won't!' :) Wrong answer. She started talking to him and I'm glad she did. He shared about his life with us. He works here in Kuwait as a fueler. He makes 120 KD per month. That translates into about $16,000-18,000 US Dollars. In India, where he is from that is like making $30,000 in the states because the cost of living in India is much less. He also told us that the company he works for is being traded for one who makes a much better deal with the US Army and he is taking a 20 KD pay decrease! Now, he will only make 100 KD per month.
We also learned that his wife and three children live back home in India and that he is working here for them. His youngest is 5 months old. He works here all year and gets one week during the year in which he can go home to visit with his family.
I cannot even imagine such a life. This man has left his family in order to make money so that they can survive. He says that they live well, and that he has a good job--but it seemed very sad to us. He is not the only one, many of these people are here doing the same thing. I am glad that I can go back home after one year and live comfortably in the United States and be free. Thank God for that.
Isolation
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
Orson Welles
Once again, it has been awhile since I last wrote--or communicated--with you. I am getting the feeling that when I am upset, it is even harder for me to sort out my feelings enough to know for myself what is going on. Much less organize them enough to type them out on my keyboard to share them with you.
I am starting to believe that this quote is true. My last post was about trust. What is trust? Can you really truly trust anyone in this life? If you marry someone, do you trust them? Look at how many divorces there are. How do you trust someone after that? How can you, after experiencing so much hurt and human error, go back to a happy go-lucky state where you can trust. You can't. There is no such thing.
I like to believe that humans are inherently good. I am starting to believe that I have been completely and totally naive in the past 23 almost 24 years. Now, it is time to grow up and experience the real world. It is incomprehensible how many ups and downs I have gone through in the past two months. I can't even begin to explain the lack of confidence and faith I have in the people who surround me.
While I was growing up, I suppose I was spoiled. I was surrounded by many people who helped to raise me--and with their group efforts, I turned out well. I now believe that it is this reason why I have such a positive outlook on life. I was handed a bad set of cards when I was born, I was expected by society to fail and become a statistic. However, I was taught strategy and a good poker face and surpassed the expectations of said onlookers.
People come and go. I am learning this lesson more now than ever. This is a hard lesson for me to learn because I put a lot of faith in the people around me. I depend on people to be there for me, and I find happiness in being there for others. I am what you would say a 'people person.' My high school chorus teacher wrote in a program that I was a 'social butterfly.' I didn't understand why she wrote that, but I am beginning to understand myself now that I am away from everything I am used to. I love to get to know people, however, because I have been hurt so many times in my past--it is hard for me to let people get that close. Such a conundrum.
The group I mentioned in the last post, no longer exists. I still speak to them, but it is different now. We are spread out among our jobs, our living arrangements, and friendships. This has caused a rift in the friendship we once had and now we talk in passing, but don't make a point to hang out with each other. The army is good for that, and this is good for testing true friendships. Making sure, who will withstand the test of time. There are not many who do.
I still believe in the inherent goodness in people. I believe that all people truly want to be happy. But I also believe that a person's drive to happiness can and will hurt other people, maybe without the person knowing. I am in the desert. I am thirsty. Happiness is such a distant hope for me, but that doesn't stop my thirst. I can find happiness in the small things, and eventually can settle to a place where I am stable and can find fulfillment in my life. Just like in the book, 'Eat, Pray, Love' , she says that "You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement a a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight." Today, I found beauty in a friend. Tomorrow, who knows. But it will happen. I will be happy. I will make the conscious choice to not let this place, these people get me down.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Trust
Hello!!
I don't even remember when the last time it was when I wrote. I know that I am on survival mode lately. I have made an appointment with the chaplain to talk things out. Everything will be okay, I'm just struggling. My feelings about most people have been confirmed. People are sketchy and there are only a few people I can trust. I have had my core group of friends--which was three different 'groups' of people which ended up being a good 15-20 people. This started at the beginning of this mobilization process. Now, I am down to 5-7 people who I trust to talk to and three who I would trust with anything. That, for me, is completely sufficient. I have a 'The Crew.' This is a group of four of us we created by hanging out and having each others back. I honestly feel like we are a gang and it is hilarious. We are composed of; myself, a guy I went was in KU ROTC with, a cook from Salina, and a gun truck guy from 'the middle of nowhere' Kansas. I consider these boys as my brothers and when I cannot stand any longer, they hold me up. I would trust these men with anything and I love them dearly.
*There's your shout out Drake! I love you! :)
The events that transpired to create this smaller number caused hard feelings and hurt, but I will survive. Lil' Wayne said it best when he said "
