As I sit and listen to the rain, the constant rain outside on the windows--I realize how much I love my life and how proud I am of myself. I realize how narcissistic that sounds, but sometimes I feel you have to embrace your own accomplishments. I'm not going to sit and write down for you all that I have accomplished, if you know me--you know!
I am going to sit here and write about how scary it is to be accomplished, especially if not many people you know have your same experiences. I am feeling a lot of pressure lately...what are you doing to do? are you going to get a job? where are you going to live? how was it overseas? what did you do? what was it like? I have a lot going on right now. Please, just give me some time. I've been back in the country for two weeks! I need some time.
Newsflash! I am having strange lapses of memory, I get frustrated easily, and I'm scared. Yes folks, I said it. I'm scared of taking the GRE next month. I'm scared I won't get into grad school. I'm scared about substitute teaching. I'm scared that my noggin doesn't seem to want to cooperate lately. But thats okay with me! There is no one (hopefully) a few hundred yards out, off the road who wants me dead. I don't have to wonder if my best friend is going to make it back to base without getting blown up. I don't have to think about what if someone dies this time? The stress of taking the GRE is extremely large! However, it is no where near comparable to the stress of wondering if your friends are alive or not...or if they just had some mechanical issues that made them a day late.
Rain....mmmm....oh how I love the rain. Its so peaceful.
Breathe in....breathe out...smile...things are going to be just fine.
I have spent a lovely couple of days visiting my Aunt and Uncle's house in Northern Illinois as well as my most favorite cousin and her two beautiful girls. We have had the opportunity to catch up and it has been wonderful! I feel like I have gotten just what I needed out of this visit--some motivation. I miss my family, and am ready to go home. I am looking forward to doing some volunteer work with my grandma, visiting and reestablishing relationships with family, helping out around the house, brushing up on my culinary skills, and hopefully substitute teaching while studying for that darn GRE and applying to graduate school to get my doctorate in Audiology.
So before I get too motivated and stay up all night thinking about my new plans, off to bed!
I am hoping with the new and improved access to technology, I will be able to write more often. Be prepared for some random thoughts! ;) Those who know me, know my brain works like a ping pong ball, changing thought every time it strikes a surface!
Here's to starting over!
*My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.* --tee hee hee
3 comments:
I am so very happy you were able to make the trip up while we were in town. I'm thrilled we've been able to spend some together and that you've been able to spend some time with my littles as well. We love you. <3
I can't even tell you how much I am bursting with pride for you. You HAVE accomplished an amazing amount and worked through so many difficult things. I can't wait to see you, my dear!
I love that you came up to see us. I understand your feelings of insecurity. It's part of moving from a "comfortable" place where the decision of where you are and what your have to do is made and moving on to new decisions and places in your life. Hang in there it will all work out.
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