Take off…

So, my journey has begun. Officially. I can’t tell you how I expected my last day, at our MOB station. I thought—I’m going to call everyone and say a last goodbye. I’m going to text every contact in my phone and tell everyone how much I will miss them while I’m gone (and remind them to send me packages!) I’m going to be strong, and ready. I mean….we’ve been in training for the past two months. I should be ready, right?

Whew, I mean with the way my life has gone you would think that I know ALL about how differently things that are planned out in your head are from reality.

Reality left me in a place deep, deep inside trying to figure out what I wanted out of this deployment. I keep telling myself that I am going to grow on this deployment. Physically, mentally, emotionally, educationally, etc. I want to become a better person. I don’t want to focus, really, on anyone but myself. But the reality of things is that I am constantly surrounded by people. I have spent the past 2 months stateside finding a balance between realizing my goals and reality. I can’t tell you that I have found that balance, but I am working on it. My four day pass at home gave me some guidance and wisdom from my ‘family’ members. It left me with confidence that I am indeed a smart woman who has achieved much. (see last post) With all the things I have accomplished, I can conquer the world if I choose to. My worst downfall is my attitude :-/ oops.

It is hard for me to watch stupidity and go on about my day. I am getting better at realizing what is important and not. Whether something will directly effect me or not. And if it indeed does not affect me, then I have no business trying to rectify the situation.

Back to today. (29NOV and who knows when this will get posted as I have no idea when I will be able to get back online, so I am writing this on Word to transfer later) We had an early-ish formation, went about cleaning the barracks, and packing our last duffel bag to load onto the plane. My two most trusted friends and I went to Subway to have one last breakfast together in Indiana, then back to the barracks to sit around and wait. Pointless formations and standing around left us with plenty of time to carry out my plans of talking to my loved ones and texting to my little heart’s content. Instead, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk. I was enjoying the company of my friends’ from the other platoons. (yes, the people who I will be around for the next year…I don’t get it either, but it’s the past so…it happened) I did talk to my mom and texted my best friend all day in short increments. It just wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t feel like talking for some reason. Then at around 1600 when the busses pulled around the corner and the volunteers from the USO started to line the street we were going to leave on…I started a little anxiety attack. I mean, we really are leaving. This isn’t fake anymore. We aren’t just training. We are going overseas. Wow. Deep breath. Okay. I can do this.

It became a whole new animal. The realization should have hit me way before, but for some reason it didn’t. The little old ladies walked around handing us crosses, and little wooden nickels that we can trade in for beer when we get back, while giving us hugs telling us “ We’ll see you when you get home” This was such a nice gesture and all I could think about was ‘psch…this is NOT my home. I don’t know who lied to you’

So, away we went. We boarded the busses and waved to the 8-10 volunteers lined up on the street waving American flags thoughts racing in our minds. And you know what I thought about? Spain. For some reason all I could think about was my unsure trip to Spain that I want to take during my 2 week R&R. As we arrived at the international airport, I made sure to charge my phone and text/call as much as possible, but at this point there was not much time left. Next think I knew we were in line to board the plane about an hour earlier than scheduled and I was on the phone with my mom trying to get out a proper goodbye. What is that? How does one execute a proper goodbye?? Is there a class I should have taken to learn this skill?? I will never know. As I did say goodbye, I informed her that I have no idea when I will be able to talk to her again. I know that it will happen, but I suspect that it will be about a week until I will have the means to contact her.

Thankfully I am sitting by my two battle buddies & we are having a ‘good time’ ;-) ….or as good of a time as you can have on a 20+ hour flight to a foreign country we are at war with. We are stopping in Germany, and are only on our first leg of the trip. Right now it is 2345 and I am finding it almost impossible to sleep for some reason. But, I’ll make it! The flight attendants are playing movie after movie, Inception, Sherlock Holmes while serving below par chicken and beef warmed up in a microwave….they’re trying. Between movies they show our time, the time it is where we will land, our flight speed and temperature outside. It’s about 5:45am in Germany, we are going about 1045 mph and it is about -65 F outside the plane right now.

I’m going to make it. I can do this. Just pray for me. Send me letters. Send me packages. Get on Skykpe and talk to me sometime. Pray that I keep my goals in my heart and that I don’t forget them for any stupid reason, like losing patience. Pray that I keep my patience.