Trust

Hello!!
I don't even remember when the last time it was when I wrote. I know that I am on survival mode lately. I have made an appointment with the chaplain to talk things out. Everything will be okay, I'm just struggling. My feelings about most people have been confirmed. People are sketchy and there are only a few people I can trust. I have had my core group of friends--which was three different 'groups' of people which ended up being a good 15-20 people. This started at the beginning of this mobilization process. Now, I am down to 5-7 people who I trust to talk to and three who I would trust with anything. That, for me, is completely sufficient. I have a 'The Crew.' This is a group of four of us we created by hanging out and having each others back. I honestly feel like we are a gang and it is hilarious. We are composed of; myself, a guy I went was in KU ROTC with, a cook from Salina, and a gun truck guy from 'the middle of nowhere' Kansas. I consider these boys as my brothers and when I cannot stand any longer, they hold me up. I would trust these men with anything and I love them dearly.

*There's your shout out Drake! I love you! :)
The events that transpired to create this smaller number caused hard feelings and hurt, but I will survive. Lil' Wayne said it best when he said "My shoulders are strong, I prove them wrong. I ain't doin nothin but movin on, let the truth be known."

No matter what, I keep reminding myself that I did not come here to make friends. I am here to serve my country. Not too many people know that I chose to be here. I had the opportunity to stay at the University of Kansas, get my masters degree and commission as an Officer in the United States Army. I have seen the training that we get as junior officers, and know how much respect fresh ROTC lieutenants receive from their subordinates. I realized that this deployment would provide me with invaluable experience as a lower enlisted soldier. I would experience being a 'grunt' and would know the in's and out's of the enlisted side. I knew that it would be difficult and frustrating. I knew that I would have a tough time, but I knew that the Army as a whole is a large family and I had confidence that I would be taken care of. Little did I know that the unit I am deployed with is nothing other than a "good 'ol boy" club. I am an intelligent, talented, successful young woman and I refuse to change myself in order to conform and make things easy for myself. There are so many wrongs that go on in this unit, and I can do nothing as a lower enlisted person. I can, however, take mental notes for when I return to school and commission as an officer. I will be able to provide an enlightened perspective to my soldiers and will not be completely clueless. There will be respect to every person, no matter what their rank and this will be enforced to a 'T.'

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those be well-tried before you give them your confidence." -George Washington

I can do this....it is just a struggle, but I will be stronger when all is said and done. And, I know for a fact that I will appreciate my family a whole heck of a lot more now than I ever have. There is nothing better than family. Nothing more comforting and safe than family. Even when you fight, you know that you love each other. Even when you don't talk for days...weeks...months...you know you love each other.
Love comes from trust. Trust comes from love.